Reaching Out

Winter, 2000

Reflections on a 'Marriage'

By Reg Wagle, Memorial Health Foundation

‘Marriage’ sounds like an odd choice of metaphor to represent the relationship between two organizations. It may be odd, but I believe it is a helpful choice. Like all metaphors, it will not withstand the most comprehensive scrutiny. It may however bring us a few insights that will help us to learn more from our work together.

Introduction and Courtship

By the time Memorial became fully aware of a 10-year old engine for positive change in our community called Home Management Resources, the hospital was already over one hundred years old. Despite the age and size differences of the two organizations, there was an immediate awakening of energy that sprung from that first contact. Memorial, like so many other volunteers, found HMR and its work irresistible. Memorial’s Mission is “improving the quality of life of those who live in our community”, which in turn leads to our vision of becoming “the healthiest community in the nation by 2010”.

The simplest statement of the shared vision that initially attracted the two partner organizations was, “creating a healthier community by strengthening families”. With that concept as our common goal, the resonance between Home Management Resources and Memorial was not unlike the energy that launches any serious courtship. It really was passionate – a passion for that shared vision of a healthier future for our community.

Experimentation

After preliminary explorations of opportunities between staff members, it came time to bring the larger “families” together. This was done as a convening of board members and staff of Home Management Resources and Memorial to imagine a future for such an alliance. The gathering was diverse, both in its backgrounds and in its perspectives of how such a shared future should be seen. The players did not all see the world the same – as you might expect among any gathering of people who care deeply about their work.

Prototype initiatives were agreed upon, and real work began among several shared work groups. There was excitement, skepticism, exhilaration, and frustration – all the elements of any human endeavor. Ultimately, perhaps, the most important product of those early dialogues and work efforts was a new understanding and trust of each other. Most critical to the success of the ‘marriage’ was coming to an understanding that this was to be a mutually beneficial undertaking, not just the dependence of one organization upon the other.

Continuing the Learning

Once the ‘marriage’ became a reality, there came more learning about just what it meant to be open and accountable to each other. As in any marriage, such learning was not without stress. Perhaps the critical step is addressing each other’s fears directly and honestly, revealing our own vulnerabilities to each other. With all of our progress, we still have miles to go on that path.

In fact, it is likely that our shared learning will always be stressful, because it essentially involves change. In that regard, the best indicator of success for the Home Management Resources/Memorial ‘marriage’ may be the degree of change that each of the organizations experiences. The greatest determinant for this relationship, then, may be the level of commitment we maintain together toward continuing the learning.

The Offspring

Many of you are now part of the linkages spawned by the ‘marriage’. Those linkages are seen as both internal (connecting various subgroups within the two organizations) and external (connecting the two organizations to new partners and their resources). Working from an abundance mentality, we see our community as a series of dozens of subsystems and learning networks. If we achieve the highest degree of health for our community, those subsystems will be constantly changing, evolving, and reconnecting, much like those that make up a healthy growing organism. You can draw your own analogy to the ‘marriage’ here.

As those linkages – some new, some renewed – produce their own offspring, we will see them take form in new explorations, new offerings to the community, and new understanding of what we should do next.

Evaluation

So, how do you evaluate a marriage? Scary stuff for me. I will leave the human version to the experts. For the organizational version, let this suffice: Have two partners in marriage grown to be more than they could have been without each other? Are they better able to fulfill their mission? Is our community healthier and stronger because of it? We are attempting to measure those very things.

The ultimate jury may still be out on the value of the Home Management Resources/Memorial alliance, but it still feels like the “right stuff”. And we’re both still looking forward to what tomorrow will bring.

Blueprint for a happy home.

Gwenyth M. DeLee

Running a home and raising a family is the toughest management task there is. Parents are challenged to their limits by all the responsibilities inherent in this vocation. We need training and practice to learn the skills of child rearing, managing our family finances, feeding a family nutritiously, and keeping the home cleaned and organized. We also need to uncover those almost intangible, hard-to-define attributes that make some families work better than others. I’ll share about a family I’ve had the pleasure of watching up close and personally.

This family has six children ranging in age from two months to ten years old. Their home is a continuous beehive of activity, and yet there is an unmistakable sense of peace, order, and happiness there. A closer look at how they live their life and raise their children may reveal why it is working so well.

A visit to this home is memorable. You can feel the energy as the children run to the door to greet you. They eagerly want to share the many activities that absorb their lives. One jumps into your lap for a hug, someone runs for the newest book so you can read them a story, another wants to regale you with his latest science projects. Someone is always performing a version of a cartwheel or somersault, pleading, “Watch me”!

There is a TV in the home, but it is used on rare occasions. What is really happening here goes beyond the fact that television doesn’t permeate daily life. This is a home graced by parents whose happy disposition creates an entirely positive environment in their home. They embody a tremendous gratitude for the blessings of their home and children. Their faith in God and His care for them is so evident, that it is transmitted to their family. The parents have had difficult times. The father has been without a job on two occasions, when companies closed their doors. There have been deaths and miscarriages, and illnesses to contend with.

The parents have made the decision that the mother will stay home to raise the children. Therefore, they are frugal in their purchases and consider carefully the difference between the needs and wants of their family. The material surroundings of this home are simple…deliberately so. For these parents, family life itself is most important, and their lives reflect this belief.

Two powerful forces set the tone of this home. First, family life is centered in God, and each day they gather for morning prayer . Meals begin with a blessing, and the day concludes with prayers at bedtime. The kind of focus that results from the practice of their faith is reflected in other aspects of their lives, like how they treat one another, how they reconcile their differences, and how they care for others outside their family.

The second force is the love and respect this couple shows to each other. Their speech is courteous and they treat one another with kindness. The husband honors his wife by supporting her efforts, not thwarting them. Recognizing the challenges his wife encounters on a daily basis in the home he helps with the children, cooks on weekends, and changes diapers, as well as tending to his usual chores of household maintenance and upkeep. In this home, honor and respect is accorded to each member of the family, with discipline and correction being handled with a firm but kindly manner.

The children have daily and weekly chores from the time they are three or four years old. They do things like make their beds, keep toys picked up, sweep and dust, watch younger children, and are taught how to set the table and help with meal preparation.

The work is balanced with fun, and everyone in this family participates in the fun. They go on family bike outings, draw pictures on the sidewalks with outdoor chalk, celebrate birthdays together, read lots of books and stories, go to the library once a week bringing home an armful of new books, and they visit grandparents and relatives on a regular basis. This family celebrates daily life in a myriad of ways. Granted, the children are young and they haven’t reached their teen years when cars, proms, phones and infatuations become the norm. But the solid foundation of a supportive family life is providing the skills, the relational experiences, and the mentoring they need to mature into confident and loving adults who are equipped to handle the challenges of life.

All the elements, which contribute to a happy home, are evident in this family’s life. That is why I love visiting this home: the home of my son and his family.

Is this an unreasonable expectation for people in general? No, it is not. Although I use my son’s family as an example, I must emphasize that they are not unique, for I have personally seen similar attributes in many other young families. Their quality of life can be a reality for you and your family. Scripture says that the whole law and testament are summed up in two concepts: that we love God with our whole heart, mind and spirit, and that we love one another. Every family can learn to do this better, and reap the benefits that surely come as a result.

My best to you all,

Gwen

"Where There is No Vision the People Perish."

By Pat Cressy

Wow! Home Management Resources now has 101 Sustaining Partners! We are most grateful for each one of you. You pledge annual gifts at many levels - $250, $500, $1,000, $5,000, and $10,000 for a total of $55,000 this year.

While I think this total is terrific, our goal is to cover the annual cost of operations - $105,000 - with our Sustaining Partners’ contributions. Envision with me a minute what this will mean. It means that you, our friends, will more than ever be the heart of our program as your contributions run the day to day operations of Home Management Resources.

Now, if you’re anything like me, you have realized, as the number of requests you receive have grown that you need to be much more critical about where and how you invest your time and money. I evaluate each request against my vision of a vibrant community of diverse people enjoying a high quality of life in safe neighborhoods. Home Management Resources meets my criteria because it is a true resource for families in the community: providing the tools and support needed to create harmony and order in their homes.

Like many of you, I have supported Home Management Resources since its beginning, fourteen years ago. I became a Sustaining Partner immediately when I was offered this marvelous opportunity in 1998.

Now we have a new opportunity to increase our support for this wonderful program. If you also believe strong families make strong communities, please consider becoming a Sustaining Partner. If you are currently one of our Sustaining Partners, please consider increasing your partner pledge. As a Sustaining Partner of Home Management Resources, you will do more to make your belief a reality than you ever could by yourself.

For information about our Sustaining Partner program you can call Gwen DeLee at Home Management Resources, 233-3486 or e-mail her at Gwenhmr@aol.com.

This organization and it’s volunteers is worth your time and your treasure. Join me in supporting an outreach that is truly changing our community.

Pat Cressy, Chair

Development Committee

You Can Survive the Holidays

Want to create happy memories instead of harried rounds of shopping, cleaning, and cooking this holiday season?

Perhaps the thought of spending hours in the kitchen causes you to wish you could drive through McDonald’s for your holiday dinner! Spending two months fighting the traffic along those busy roads leading to the malls where you will spend hours you don’t have, walking in and out of stores, looking for the perfect gifts (as if they are going to suddenly jump out and announce, “Here I am”) can become burdensome.

Festivity can easily turn into frustration when you have the task of providing an elaborate meal for a large group of people. Just cooking the meal may not be too overwhelming if your house is already clean enough for your in-laws inspection, your everyday dishes are nice enough, your glasses are without chips, all your silverware matches and you actually own a tablecloth that doesn’t need ironing! Shopping for gifts may not be too burdensome if you have plenty of free time and enough money to buy all those much advertised toys all the kids want.

The holidays are not about food and shopping and gifts. they’re about the people in your life. They’re about your family, your friends, and your loved ones; they’re about those who have made a difference in your life. Making memories that last a lifetime is far more important than fulfilling the current craze for the newest toy on the market.

Putting magic into the holidays takes a flight of fancy, not a spending spree. Creating holiday spirit is like believing in fairies: it takes some we WILL-thinking, instead of we WON’T (as in we won’t have, we can’t afford, etc). For thousands of years people made their own fun. You can do it, too.

Use what you have: your imagination and knowledge, combined with the resources at hand. Tell the kids stories about your favorite childhood holidays. Check a few books out from the library and read a new story every night for a week, a month. Read by candlelight every night ; your kids will never forget the experience! If they’re all wound up, candlelight has a magical, soothing effect. Whining, argumentative children start whispering and getting this dreamy look about them. If you have a fireplace, build a fire and turn the lights out. Sing songs together, string popcorn, drink cocoa. Bundle up together. Even if there are no gifts under a tree, even if there’s no tree, the holidays can be full of love. And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Perhaps the following ideas will help you create a memorable holiday season with your family.

• Read a favorite story. Children enjoy being read to and when you make it a tradition by reading one particular story every year they begin to anticipate the event with great enthusiasm.

• Have each person write in a remembrance book. Younger children will enjoy dictating what they enjoyed most about the year. Each year, read the memories from the previous years.

• Before your holiday dinner, ask each person to think of someone who has been a gift to them over the past year. Then when you serve dessert, take turns telling about the significant person and what gift they brought into your life. For example, a child might choose a teacher who taught him or her to read.

• Invite a guest over to share your holiday. Many college students, and elderly neighbors cannot afford to travel long distances to go home. A new family in the neighborhood or a single-parent family might also appreciate an invitation.

Remember we all need to take time to enjoy those important people in our life and reflect on our many blessings.